VAMPIRES NEED NOT... APPLY?
ACCIDENTALLY YOURS #4
BY
MIMI JEAN PAMFILOFF
Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Accidentally Yours #4)
byMimi Jean Pamfiloff
Paranormal/Fantasy Romance
Categories:Comedy
Publisher:Grand Central Publishing
Release
Date:September 3,2013
Heat
Level:Steamy
Word
Count:90,000
Available now for ONLY $0.99 at:
Description:
This
is book 4 in the New York Times and USA Today bestselling paranormal romance
Accidentally Yours series.
Meet
Dr. Antonio Acero. Heir to Spain’s wealthiest family, world-renowned physicist,
and dedicated bachelor. While on vacation in southern Mexico, Antonio discovers
an ancient Mayan tablet. Local legends say it contains magical properties,
properties that could put his stalling research on the map.
But
is this really his lucky break?
When
Antonio attempts to put the tablet to use, he'll discover that Fate has other
plans. Her name is Ixtab, and she’s quite possibly the deadliest deity who ever
lived.
Warning: This title is intended for readers over the age of
18 as it contains adult sexual situations and/or adult language, and may be
considered offensive to some readers.
Excerpt:
“What
an idiot,” the woman growled. “By the way, there’s nothing wrong with the
package—you still have your gorgeous face. And that body. Hell, you’re a crime
against female nature and should be shot on the spot for being so beautiful.
Sadly, I can’t say the same for what’s on the inside. In fact, you’re
disgusting.”
“What
the…?”
“Don’t
act surprised,” she said. “I know how you use women then throw them away. And
I’m here to warn you: if you continue your cheap man-whoring ways, I will hunt
you down and pluck out your gonads. Got it?”
Man
whore? Gonads? He had no clue how to respond.
“Let’s
get on with the show, shall we, Romeo?” she said.
Who
was this woman? She sounded crazier than he did. “And what show would that be?”
he asked.
“Does
that pathetic brain of yours still work? Because I heard you’re supposed to be
smart. You don’t sound so smart to me.”
Santa
Maria. She was ruthless. No way was she a doctor or psychologist; she was
pincheloca. “Who the hell are you?”
“Shut
up before I change my mind. Teen uk’alk’iinam. Teen uk’al yah.” A pair of hands
hit his chest, jolting him like a defibrillator.
His
back painfully arched and each muscle in this body went rigid with the
blistering heat. The air filled with the scent of fresh cut daisies and
fragrant vanilla, and the heaviness lifted from his chest. It was as though a
dark cloud had been sieved from his soul. Clean air entered his lungs, giving
him quarter to breathe again. Memories, happy ones, flooded his heart—playing
hide and seek with this brother in the Spanish vineyards during summer, scuba
diving in the Mediterranean, the paella at his favorite little restaurant in
the town near his home in Penedès.
“What
did you do?” he whispered into the abyss.
“I
saved your sorry ass, but not so you can continue your dude-slutting. Got it?
You will take this chance I’ve given you to do bigger and better things—one of
which will be going back to work on that tablet.”
“How
do you know about the tablet?” It was a secret.
“I’m
a spy for the government. We know everything,” she said as though she was
overwhelmed by boredom.
“Here.”
She shoved a card in his hand. “Once you’re home, call this number. They’ll
send you a tutor and an assistant. And yes, Einstein, the number is written in
braille. I’m also having the landlord install a braille phone and set up your
computer. The tutor will come to reteach you to read. And before you thank me,
you should know that I accidentally killed your cat. I’m really sorry but it…”
Antonio’s
mind whirled as the woman apologized profusely for murdering his cat—something
about it getting loose and jumping out a window?—and then proceeded to hurl
endless, demeaning insults peppered with every swear word in the English
language along with a few choice words in Spanish, too. She was so…damned
horrible and bitter! The sourest, most cantankerous female he’d ever met. A
thousand sailors could not compete with her sharp edges and unfiltered mouth.
And yet, she was strangely alluring.
“So,”
she took a breath, “you got it? Comprende, señorAcero?”
“Uh…yes?”
“Good.
My work here is done. Have a happy life, ass ho—I mean, Antonio.”
“Wait!
You’re leaving?” he sat up in bed.
“Sorry.
Gotta get back to saving lives and all. And by the way, Tony, we’d all
appreciate it if you’d get back to work on the tablet before the world blows
up.”
*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*
Before
taking up a permanent residence in the San Francisco Bay Area, New York TimesandUSA
TodayBestselling Author Mimi Jean Pamfiloff spent time living near NYC
(became a shopaholic), in Mexico City (developed a taste for very spicy food),
and Arizona (now hates jumping chollas but pines for sherbet sunsets). Her love
of pre-Hispanic culture, big cities, and romance inspires her to write when
she’s not busy with kids, hubby, work, and life…or getting sucked into a juicy
novel. Or hosting the Man Candy Show on Radioslot.com! (Be very afraid!). She
hopes that someday, leather pants for men will make a big comeback and that her
writing might make you laugh (or give you a mini-vacay) when you need it most.
Connect with Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
Website - http://www.mimijean.net
Twitter - https://twitter.com/MimiJeanRomance
Facebook -
https://www.facebook.com/MimiJeanPamfiloff
Man Candy
Show - http://www.radioslot.com/show/man-candy-sho
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